The light at the end of the tunnel...

I think I mentioned before that Keith and I have had a pretty tough year. So during the 2007 Christmas season, I kept telling Keith, "2008 is coming....it has to be better! Right?" So I celebrated New Year's Day with lots of excitement. I was starting a new job....Sam and Stephen were starting at a new school...I was returning to my "professional" life. Life was finally getting back to normal!

But if I have learned anything over the past few years, I have learned that "normal" is relative. Since we have had our precious children and moved here, not much has been normal...or at least not "normal" in the comfortable, uneventful sense. But that's okay....normal must be horribly boring.

So in January, I started a new teaching job. I taught high school for 8 years in Alabama and I loved it! Of course, there were challenges along the way: unmotivated kids, trying administrators, No Child Left Behind....But I always knew it was my thing and I still believe that professionally-speaking, it is the reason that I am here.

So I headed into the classroom all excited with my new markers, pencils and other teachery stuff. It didn't matter that how many Austinites told me my new school was tough...I was armed and ready to change the world. "I am a good teacher," I thought to myself. "I can teach anywhere."

Nothing prepared me for what I was about to experience. The best way that I can describe it is absolute lawlessness. The majority of the students are disrespectful and often downright mean-spirited. They deal with a host of very adult issues on a daily basis and have not been taught basic social conventions. I inherited these classes after three other teachers had come and gone. Since many adults in positions of authority run out on them, they trust no one and seldom take you at your word. Although I was immediately overcome with the desire to flee, I was committed to finishing the semester. However, I did see enough in my first two days to call Keith and declare that our children would be attending private school.

I wish that I could say that it got better over time, but sadly, it did not. I also wish I could say that I won them over with my stellar teaching skills, but that also never quite came together. Every day was a struggle. Every once in awhile, I would feel like I was getting through to some of them. That kept me motivated for a few more days. But all in all, I felt like an ill-equipped soldier on the wrong side of a losing battle. Every day that I headed to work, I was struggling to trust God's purpose for me being there.

So like all people frustrated with their jobs, I immediately began looking for a new one. With the idea that I "had" to work next year, I spent hours filling out applications, sending emails and doing anything that I could think of to fix the situation on my own. From time to time, I would get frustrated and give the situation to God, only to take it back a few days later when I came up with more ideas. Many tears have been shed in frustration over my inability to "fix" things with my students and my struggles to be the mom and wife God calls me to be while working in such a situation.

Keith came home a few weeks ago and asked, "Are you going back next year if you don't get a job anywhere else?" To which I replied, "I don't guess I have much of a choice." So he sat me down and showed me how I might be able to stay home with the kids for another year. I told him, "I'm not sure God wants me to do that, but I will pray about it." Because clearly at this point, I still did not get it! In fact, I didn't even think about staying home after that. But I did look into private schools, thinking that if I could "almost" afford to stay home, I might be able to work part-time or work at a private school where the pay is lower.

So I spent a couple of weeks investigating this option, too. I even got encouragement from a Christian school concerning a possible job a year from now. I left that interview thinking, "But God, I don't need a job a year from now!" Then one Sunday morning, it all came together for me. Maybe God wasn't letting me find a job for next year because I didn't need one. So I spent the day praying and talking with Keith, then I went to work on Monday and resigned my position for next school year. Although there will still be definite financial challenges, we will continue to trust him to provide for our needs. I am very excited about this opportunity to spend one more year with my little guys.

So school is almost over...just a few days left to go. So I am excited about this summer and the chance to relax with the kiddos. Sam has big plans for swimming, gymnastics and bike riding. So maybe not so relaxing...but still a lot of fun. : )